In Part 1, I outlined the evolution of consciousness from its source as unqualified Oneness, through countless sequential stages of gradually increasing awareness, to its self-reflective human form initially requiring an ego-axis for its proper functionality. Now that I’ve established how and why the ego emerges in the broadest of brushstrokes, let’s zoom in and inspect the discrete stages the ego moves through across a single human lifespan.
The Human Microcosm
In many ways, the phases of egoic development throughout a person’s life mirror the evolution of consciousness toward greater awareness and capability. At each major life period, the ego undergoes subtle yet significant transformations – beginning with elementary awareness in infancy, progressing through advancing self-knowledge in childhood, adolescence, and adulthood, and culminating in a unified self-concept in elderhood. Thus, the ego’s psychological growth serves as a microcosmic reflection of the soul’s spiritual journey.
Below, I will expand on each major period of the life cycle by synthesizing and expanding on the works of psychologists Erik Erikson (psychosocial development), Jean Piaget (cognitive development), Lawrence Kohlberg (moral development), Abraham Maslow (hierarchy of needs), and Carl Jung (individuation), as well as the ancient Indian philosophy of the four ashramas (stages of life). Assuming the ego doesn’t encounter any major impediments due to trauma or karma, it will most likely mature along the following general trendlines, indicating a healthy and well-adjusted life as a separate self … but there are no hard and fast rules!
Infancy (0-2)
From the moment a baby is born until around age two, the ego is in its most rudimentary and vulnerable state. Having not been sufficiently rooted in the infant’s consciousness, the ego vacillates in and out of existence as the baby’s awareness wavers between the original unity of source and the initial inklings of separateness. As the infant approaches age two, the immersion in source gradually diminishes while the felt sense of separateness steadily intensifies, leading to a stark alertness of its corporeal form, immediate physiological needs, pain and pleasure, and survival instincts. Not only does it begin to recognize otherness, but it’s also wholly dependent on others (i.e. its caregivers). Therefore, the core task of the ego becomes establishing trust and safety with the outside world.
Childhood (2-12)
As the sense of self continues to strengthen through daily experience, the child enters the period commonly known as the “terrible twos,” which gives them practice in exploring their newfound autonomy and demonstrates the ego’s grip on the toddler’s consciousness. As the child nears age twelve, their felt sense of separateness compounds into a solid sense of independence, utilizing more advanced faculties like locomotion, symbolic language, concrete thinking, and imagination. During this time, the child begins to shape their sense of self more deeply, taking cues through complex relationships with caregivers and peers, and from repeated exposure to boundaries, expectations, and consequences of their actions. The child’s moral reasoning is driven primarily by self-interest, by focusing on pursuing rewards, avoiding punishment, following rules, and being “good” according to their culture’s social norms. In this stage, feelings of shame and guilt play an outsized role in molding their understanding of who they are, who they ought to be, and what they can and cannot do. This period is marked by immense learning and skill-building.
Adolescence (12-18)
In the adolescent phase, the ego’s core task becomes the search for identity. Once puberty hits, the teen’s sexual urges and hormonal changes intensify their awareness of bodily anatomy, leading to a more tangible sense of individuality. Unlike the child, who forms their character through relation to authority figures and societal norms, the adolescent strives to differentiate from these forces in an attempt to discover their unique identity and formulate a more cohesive sense of self. This typically leads to significant internal conflict, confusion, and an urgent exploration of values, beliefs, and personality tendencies. Morally, the youth is motivated by conformity, reciprocity, and utilitarianism. Abstract and hypothetical reasoning surface, replacing the child’s present-centered awareness and capacity for play with the teenage mind’s fixation on the past and future, cementing the ego’s stronghold on the psyche.
Adulthood (18-60)
In adulthood, the ego’s attention shifts from a healthy narcissism and self-centeredness, which it carried since infancy, to a more other-centered approach, prioritizing instead its impact on family, friends, and the world. Essentially, the ego’s primary focus changes from solidifying its distinctiveness to building relationships and finding meaning through work and acts of service. Intimacy and productivity become paramount, while isolation and stagnation become enemies of the state. The adult seeks stability and purpose through community, legacy, and faith. This shift may naturally give way to the “mid-life crisis,” a notable transition in which the individual re-evaluates their life’s trajectory and recognizes that the egoic structures and belief systems the separate self holds dear have not led to fulfillment. At this time, morality moves away from the principle of law and order toward a uniquely personal and context-dependent set of ethics based on individual rights and privileges. This is a time of deep reflection and a pivotal moment where the ego has an opportunity for profound transformation and individuation. If done correctly, then late adulthood is marked by a greater integration of the ego’s disparate parts into a more unified whole, leading to a harmonious psyche and an eventual congruent unwinding from one’s life’s work.
Elderhood (60+)
In elderhood, the ego focuses on achieving a sense of wholeness, individuation, and integrity. The elderly person becomes primarily self-reflective: looking back on their life journey, looking forward to their impending death, and most importantly, looking inward to their most authentic self. Shifting from an outward-pointed view to an inward-pointed view, the ego questions more profound spiritual and existential matters, grapples with despair, renounces the material and psychological attachments it once relied on, and embraces the full spectrum of human experience. On a moral level, the elderly ego tends to embrace a universal ethics that is mutually beneficial for all beings and transcends any particular citizenship. At the end of life, the unified ego achieves psychological self-actualization, acceptance of life, and empirical wisdom.
Self-Actualization Vs. Self-Realization
As demonstrated above, the ego (if unimpeded by significant traumatic or karmic events), develops in a generally linear fashion, with each passing phase building upon the previous ones: it forms in infancy, solidifies in childhood, differentiates in adolescence, expands in early adulthood, integrates in late adulthood, and self-actualizes in elderhood. Through this progression, the self becomes increasingly complex, mature, aware, and cohesive, guiding the human being toward a fuller experience of life.
While the ego is able to reach its full capability through these stages of development, the soul’s ultimate potential remains untapped if it hasn’t merged with source. In order to do this, the soul can’t just follow the ego’s journey to self-actualization; it needs to release itself from the ego’s net altogether. Because the ego is a mental imitation of the soul, the ego can’t liberate the soul. Only the soul can do that, and only through renouncing ego-identification.
Self-actualization may be the goal of the ego, but Self-realization is the goal of the soul. Although their paths often intersect and influence one another, they are two distinct and independent processes. Self-actualization charts the ego’s sojourn over a single lifetime, while Self-realization spans the soul’s odyssey across many lifetimes. The former represents the peak of psychological growth, while the latter is the crown-jewel of spiritual evolution.
One can be spiritually enlightened without achieving psychological maturity, as demonstrated by certain spiritual teachers whose unsavory and controversial behaviors clashed with societal norms. Conversely, one can achieve personal fulfillment, excel in their career, cultivate meaningful relationships, gain worldly success, and even inspire social movements, yet remain unaware of the deeper, transcendent essence beyond their individual self. This highlights the important and misunderstood fact that self-actualization and Self-realization aren’t synonymous!
At any point in the ego’s lifespan, Self-realization may descend. And at any point in the soul’s voyage, the ego can self-actualize. However, for the complete fulfillment of the human experience, both aspects – ego and soul – must satisfy their unique purposes. Only then has the goal of human life been entirely achieved. Those who embody this rare combination stand among the most remarkable figures in history.
The good news is that both processes can be accelerated through conscious practice. If you’re unwilling to wait until the end of your life for self-actualization, then you can participate in technologies that foster personal growth – like introspection, psychotherapy, self-discipline, and continuous learning. Similarly, if you’re unwilling to wait lifetimes before awakening to your true nature, then you can engage in methods that promote receptivity to the grace of soul liberation – like meditation, witnessing consciousness, contemplative prayer, and practicing presence. And, of course, if you consistently choose the path of love – through service to others and compassion for all beings – then victory on both fronts is guaranteed.
Depending on how one defines these thresholds, self-actualization and Self-realization both have specific endpoints and they both continue indefinitely. In one sense, complete fulfillment of the human potential is a static, objective target, while in another sense, the goalposts of embodiment move higher and further with each passing generation. Paradoxically, life is both ever-changing and unchanging. Therefore, these two processes are both finite and infinite! When all is said and done, self-actualization and Self-realization are seen as two sides of the same inexplicable coin, for, in the ultimate sense, there is only One eternal (non)happening – Life Itself!
…continued in Part 3…