Given the wide variety of topics in my last book, Reflections of Consciousness, I am often asked if I have a favorite essay and, if so, why. While there are several essays that stand out as favorites in my mind, if I had to choose just one, Here-Now I’d have to say that “Essay Two: Changing Directions and Loyalty on the Path” is the winner.
It’s an essay that developed over time, receiving several additions and revisions over the course of the year it was being written. Overall, I feel it addresses some of the most common and important issues people deal with at some point during their sadhana, spiritual practice. The following section, titled “Walking the Path,” was the last to be added and, to me, is the most significant and valuable message in the Essay, as it addresses the natural but fundamentally incorrect assumption that one’s spiritual “path” is taking them from someplace one thinks one is, to a place one thinks one isn’t. Understanding that this is, in fact, not the case may assist one to make the “journey home” easier and less fraught with pitfalls, hence my sharing it in this blog post…
Walking the Path
Please always remember that the real goal is not the method itself, but the seeing through the appearance of illusion! Our methods are simply tools to be used as long as they are useful. They are not meant to be conceptual shackles that slow us down. For seasoned practitioners, I think this may be the most common and difficult stumbling block. The methods we utilize are given to us by a Guru or teacher at the outset of our quest for Self-Realization, since, in the beginning, most of us feel the need to do something to “attain” the goal. This isn’t surprising, as this is how we are taught to accomplish most anything in life. Looking back, I definitely had this mindset after reading Yogananda’s Autobiography of a Yogi in early 1999. I couldn’t wait to learn how to meditate, and I was convinced that Kriya Yoga was going to be my primary technique…and it was.
In my early days with SRF, I was told that, by virtue of having found Yogananda and then practicing his yogic techniques, I was already “close” to Liberation. To illustrate this, some in the organization used an encouraging-to-newbies metaphor: As a fledgling SRF devotee, I was starting my journey in Glendale (not much delusion left), and the goal was to make it to nearby Los Angeles (Self-Realization). I was then given my map for getting there (the teachings) and my compass and walking shoes (the techniques) to traverse the distance between “where I was” (samsara) and “where I wanted to be” (nirvana). This is pretty much the tried-and-true strategy all progressive paths employ (see Essay Fifteen for more on this), and for me it was perfect. After all, I was new to this stuff, at least in this incarnation, and hence I had no idea how to “get there” on my own. Beginning our trek with a “shorter road” than other seekers is the assumption that many of my SRF friends operated from, myself included. I can’t say whether this is true or not, and I’m not assigning judgment one way or another. I simply wish to impart a bit of insight into what my early seeking years were like.
The impediment, however, naturally arises after we’ve been doing our practices for some time. My observation has been that, for whatever reason(s), progressive-path systems don’t do a great job in preparing their long-term devotees for the understanding that the path doesn’t actually “take” us anywhere, which is why I am sharing my thoughts on this important subject here. Some sincere and wonderful SRF devotees I’ve known have proudly told me that they’ve been seekers on the path for 30, 40, or even 50+ years. Well, that’s wonderful, you know, and everyone’s unfoldment is perfect. Nevertheless, many of these devoted souls also confessed that they don’t feel like they’ve done enough of whatever it is they think they must do, because they still haven’t “made it” to Los Angeles. But are they really “not there,” or is there something preventing them from seeing that they are?
In my experience, this “something” is a misperception issue based on a false understanding of how the techniques are designed to work. For starters, the spiritual teachings and techniques we begin with are necessary to get us pointed in the right direction. They are not a waste! But if we’re not careful, they too may become a part of the identity that we are attempting to shed (e.g. I am a “yogi” or a “disciple” or a “spiritual seeker for 40 years”). It’s easy to forget this when using common, everyday language, but please remember that the word “am” when it comes after “I” functions the same as an equals sign, and you are most certainly not any of the above labels. If it hasn’t dawned on you yet, this means that you are not an “unawakened seeker in samsara” (i.e. in Glendale). However, looking through the headset of a localized, contracted consciousness that seemingly operates in space and time (i.e. across a dissociative boundary), you mistakenly think that you are. Secondly, Self-Realization does not occur once we accumulate enough spiritual merit badges. Techniques like Kriya Yoga or Self-Inquiry or Zazen are not given to add something that we’re lacking. As vibrations of infinite conscious existence, what could possibly be added?! Instead, our methods are meant to strip away the impediments that seem to be preventing us from seeing that we already are and always were awake (i.e. in Los Angeles). Nisargadatta Maharaj wisely avowed, “Sadhana is a search for what to give up. Empty yourself completely.” During our sadhana, it appears and feels that there is “movement” on the path, since we occasionally encounter signposts along the way that indicate progress – the falling away of self-destructive thoughts, feelings, and/or behaviors (“Los Angeles, 10 miles”), more internal peace and joy (“Los Angeles, 7 miles”), or the stilling of the mind (“Los Angeles, 3 miles”) – and relatively speaking, our evolution is real and beneficial. But, in Truth, we haven’t “moved.”
Eventually, we discover, at least conceptually at first, that, instead of needing to walk the path from Glendale to Los Angeles, we only need to realize that we have always been in Los Angeles. And therefore all the “walking” we’ve been doing has been, figuratively speaking, in an infinitesimally tight “ascending” spiral because there never was anywhere to get to. Our map, compass, and walking shoes are never going to take us from where we’re not to where we want to be, because we’re already there. But the “walking” isn’t for naught either! What the “walking” is doing is gradually blowing the fog of illusion away so that, when it finally clears, we see the Hollywood sign in the hills and Recognize that we never left the city. This is why Rumi stated that he’d been knocking on the door (i.e. the spiritual quest) only to Realize that he’d been knocking from the inside. We discover that we “walk the path” not to reach some final destination, but rather to learn how to walk (i.e. how to live); it’s always about the journey because that’s all there ever is. When this discovery materializes, “the path” and “the seeker” and “the destination” are Experienced as One.
An enlightened teacher knows this at the beginning and counts on the fact that, sooner or later, the student will discern that the teachings and techniques are no longer required, because the concept of Self-Realization as a destination must be transcended. In Grace Happens, I shared what one Zen Master used to tell his students about implementing and then letting one’s methods go: “You have to swallow the fish, then spit out the bones.” This critical aspect of one’s arc of awakening probably isn’t helpful for a beginner, as it might undermine their initial and necessary spiritual fervor and dedication to whatever technology they’re adopting. However, for those who have been seeking for many years and can’t figure out how to “get there,” not understanding the true purpose of their techniques can be an enormous barrier. And this is a fact that even some teachers, monks, counselors, and the like, don’t stress enough, in part because they too don’t see that the tools were supposed to be temporary, and not a lifestyle and yet another identity.
My recommendation, then, is to first acknowledge, even if it’s only on the level of intellect, that we’ve never been moving from point A to point B – and then surrender everything. We must finally admit that no amount of meditation, Kriyas, or spiritual practice of any kind are, in and of themselves, enough to make Grace descend. This is not to say that we should stop doing them, although that may happen; this is what transpired with me in the months leading up to my awakening. Rather, I suggest shifting the attitude of practicing our methods from one of trying to get something (which, when honestly examined, is just a form of spiritual materialism) to one of giving. Give your sadhana, and whatever evolution comes from it, to God and to all those who are still (and mostly unknowingly) mired in delusion. Lastly, do your best to remember that You Are Already Home, and then let God take care of the rest, which She unfailingly does. Relax into and flow in the omnipresent Light of Awareness that you have always been and will always be.